DEADLY CLICHÉS IN OBITUARIES

Re: John Demont’s lengthy March 16 column on obituaries, “Finding illumination in tales of mortality.”

Although many of the examples he cited offered interest, enlightenment, and humour, I take issue with his appraisal that “there’s real writing in the obit pages today.”

Often, modern, self-penned obituaries are filled with mundane drivel, megalomaniacal exaggeration, redundancy and contradiction.

Some examples: “predeceased in death,” “married her husband,” “we are sad to announce the peaceful passing,” “loved his family,” (what kind of cad doesn’t?)

I suspect that very little editing or oversight is given to obituaries and it is often difficult (and costly!) to capture in a limited space the essence of a person.

Nevertheless, one must resist the tendency to deify the deceased when writing an obit. I once had to eulogize a centenarian friend at his service. I remembered him saying that every man was a “saint” five minutes after his death. For what it’s worth, I offer the following “style guide” that I devised over my many years of scanning the death notices. Never use these words or phrases:

■ “Life of the party.” Perhaps he was just a boring loudmouth. Instead, simply say “he enjoyed a good party.”

■ “Trip of a lifetime.” Just say “he toured Machu Picchu.”

■ “Died of …” Don’t medicalize a death with terms like “neuroblastoma, scleroderma,” etc. However, a phrase like “died after a period of declining health” is acceptable.

■ “A man of few words, but when he spoke people listened.” Just say “quiet.”

■ “Too numerous to mention/to name a few.” Use “many” instead.

■ “Brother from another mother,” “fur babies,” “to the moon and back” — ridiculous and juvenile.

■ “Survived by children.” Unless they are children, use sons and/or daughters.

■ “Awesome, incredible, amazing.” Trite and putative. Instead of saying that “Mary was an ‘amazing’ grandmother,” explain that Mary made quilts for all her grandchildren.

Avoiding such phrases as above will give a clearer, more concise portrait of your loved one.

Tom Ross, Middleton