June bugs: The horror begins

The other day on my Facebook I had not one, not two, but three friends post photos within an hour's time of the annual horror that descends on our households. Yes, June bugs.

Hello! It's May!

It's bad enough we'll have to deal with these creatures next month in June, let alone for them not to live up to their name and make an early arrival in May.

Memo to June bugs: We all trudge through the long and cold winter and look forward to spending time outdoors when the weather warms up. You're not invited!

I looked up some info about June bugs online. This one caught my eye: “June bugs are not aggressive, but they are rather clumsy when flying. It's not uncommon to hear them ramming into the side of the house against windows, and even against your body at times.”

Oh great, that's what we all want. To be outside and have June bugs flying into us.

And not just in June, but in May too.

I once wrote about some of my experiences with these beasts before. Thought I'd share again.

When I was younger and a majorette – yes, a hidden talent – our group had stopped for ice cream in Meteghan coming home from a parade.

From our bus we watched in horror as a June bug climbed up the back of a woman who was ordering. She was oblivious, we were all pointing and screaming, “June bug!”

Fast forward to my Grade 12 year. My friends David, John and I were driving to a friend's camp. On the way, David kept complaining from the back seat that there was “something back here.” We told him he was imagining things. He insisted he was not alone. We turned on the interior light. “June bug!”

I pulled the car over and we all stood outside as the June bug flew around the inside of the car. We contemplated walking the rest of the way.

Fast forward to another time years ago when I went onto my back deck. I shut the screen door behind me. Minutes later when I turned to go back inside the house I saw not one, not two, but six June bugs hanging on the screen door.

And not only were they hanging on the screen door, they were flying around making that horrifying click-clack whizzing noise.

I was ducking. I was screaming. I was trapped in a June bug apocalypse.

Eventually, I mustered the courage to open the door and ran inside.

The next morning I saw a June bug lying on the deck. An hour later it was still there. It was on its back and couldn't right itself. Since deep down I am a softie, I scooped it up with a dustpan and released it in the woods. Presumably enabling it to come back after me that night?

Yes, even I confuse myself at times.

Later that night I was in the kitchen when I heard that distinctive noise yet again. But it wasn't coming from outside. There was a June bug inside the house! With me!!!

I saw it on the floor so I started throwing everything within reach on top of it and then got my husband to handle it from there.

“Where is it?” he asked while rolling his eyes.

I pointed to the pile on the floor. “Under there!”

I kept expecting it to lunge at him as he was pulling back the layers, but nope, it just sat there when he got to the bottom of the pile. He killed it. Crisis averted.

The next night I saw another large unidentified flying object flying in our kitchen. I was praying it was a moth, but of course, it wasn't.

I turned to my son Justin for help. He comes into the kitchen and the June bug is on the floor. (Note to self: I'm not sure why they terrify me so much as they're relatively easy to sneak up on and kill.)

After he killed it, he tried scooping it up with a piece of newspaper to dispose of it. Instead, it kept flinging it in my direction.

Perfect. Now I'm being attacked by a zombie June bug.

Out of curiosity I later Googled, “What are the benefits of June bugs?” I never did find a compelling list to demonstrate their importance, but rather just a lot of other posts by people asking ‘What is the purpose of June bugs?'

The popular consensus seemed to be they exist to make our lives hell.

“They feed from dusk through the evening hours in order to avoid predators,” I read in one article.

Ummm….newsflash: They are the predators!