The lingering impact bullying can have

In Grade 9, a guy punched me at a dance.

This is another draft of that bullying story.

I’ve been writing it on and off since that smack, a splitsecond in my life, changed it forever.

Every version is true, but the passage of time brings new perspectives and wisdom.

This version was prompted by a horrific and recent bullying incident outside a St. John’s high school.

Hopefully, sharing this experience helps in some small way.

I didn’t – and still don’t – know why the guy punched me as I danced.

Before he did, I was an outgoing kid with great marks and dozens of friends.

It all changed that night. After that, I opted to stay in the comfort and security of home as much as possible. My bedroom was a sanctuary, where I preferred to be instead of at dances or movies with friends.

I’d leave it to play basketball or hockey, only if my parents or older brothers would be there to pick me up.

As I withdrew, my circle of friends shrunk. Buddies I had known my whole life wondered what happened to me.

My marks started suffering too. I paid more attention to my shaking knees and nervous stomach than the teacher. After the buzzer sounded to end the school day, I would sprint home because the idea of waiting for the bus was horrifying.

I only passed because the math teacher gave me a mark I didn’t deserve. I had a 90 in math the previous year.

My struggles lasted over the summer and throughout Grade 10.

It reached the point where driving in a car with my parents past a group of teenagers made me afraid.

I felt completely lost, knowing there was much more to teenaged life, but too afraid to step out and find it.

My parents became very worried and mom arranged for me to see a social worker, who listened and slowly brought me out of my shell, helping me realize something simple but monumental: I was OK.

Two years after the punch, I started feeling confident and courageous enough to try normal teenage things.

Slowly, things started improving.

At some point, I vowed to never to let another person have so much control over my life.

Fortunately, I ended up in a career that’s incredibly fulfilling, where sometimes you make a real difference in people’s lives.

I can only hope this piece makes such a difference to someone who is being bullied or is being a bully.

If you are the victim, seek help. Talk to your parents, teachers, doctor, or someone you trust and get the support you need.

It may not seem like it, but things will get better, and you can get through this. There are better days ahead.

Trust me. I’ve been there. If you are the aggressor, please realize your actions are stealing innocence and joy from another person’s life, robbing them of self-esteem and self-worth.

The damage you’re doing is far deeper to your victim than you will ever realize.

It goes well beyond a punch or a push. So, just stop.

Steve Bartlett is senior managing editor with SaltWire Network. He’s written different versions of this story over the years, with the hope of helping one victim or stopping one bully. Reach him at steve.bartlett@saltwire.com.