How you love more important than how long

A P.E.I. couple shares their unbreakable bond after battling cancer and losing loved ones to COVID-19

One hand grappled a big steering wheel, while the other manoeuvred the slick five-stick manual gears as the old truck smelling like hot oil, grease, and diesel rattled down the road.

For the teenagers inside, the journey would forever change their life.

“My best friend, Mary, jokingly pushed me closer to Allan, who was driving the truck,” recalled Sandra (née Trainor) Macdonald. “He had volunteered to take us to get supplies and chips for our dinner. I had just met Allan while waiting near the gate outside his work, while Mary went inside to see David, Allan’s cousin, whom she was dating.”

The moment inside the truck is when she fell in love — and chose to keep falling in love — with Allan Macdonald for 35 years.

On Oct. 24, 1987, Sandra and Allan said their vows at St. Pius X Roman Catholic Parish in Charlottetown, P.E.I., before celebrating their wedding reception at the Maplewood Room.

“Our wedding was one of the happiest days of my life,” she said.

The couple began their relationship working at The Bill Lynch Show, the largest carnival in Canada during the 1940s. The festival toured the Maritime provinces for decades, bringing fun rides, classic games, food and freshly whipped cotton candy.

“We worked at the carnival, which businessman and philanthropist William Lynch started,” Sandra said. “Allan and I operated the concessions, such as the Crown and Anchor Wheel, along with other classic games and every day was different. It was so much fun.”

But those little moments — the pause within the everyday rush — stood out, such as the quiet after the hum of machines, music and laughter from the passing crowds as the carnival gates closed at the end of the day and then the moonlit walk home together.

The Macdonalds welcomed two children and then, as the years went by, celebrated grandchildren.

“When people ask me the secret to our long-lasting marriage, I respond, ‘There is no secret — it’s a choice to stay together because we chose to start this journey,’” said Sandra.

NOT ALL GOOD TIMES

But the road hasn’t always been smooth for the couple in it for the long haul.

As the pandemic pummelled across the provinces and the world went into lockdown, the Macdonalds were about to face their most challenging chapter.

“On Jan. 9, 2021, my husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer,” explained Sandra. “Everyone at the time was staying home due to the restrictions. It was isolating. We feared COVID19. Allan had originally gone to the hospital for a chest X-ray, thinking he had pneumonia.

“He had been short on breath, which was unusual. So, on a Tuesday, he had the X-ray at 9 a.m. Then, shortly after his hospital appointment that morning, we got the devastating call.”

The news came at a time when the world faced uncertainty, along with disconnect.

“We learned to put one foot in front of the other and take one day at a time,” continued Sandra. “In the mornings, we relax, drink our coffees and read books before, depending on the day, driving to the Cancer Centre for Allan’s treatment.

“Allan has been fortunate to get on to a cancer treatment trial called immunotherapy. He completed radiation early last year and then started chemotherapy. While the weeks and months have been long, the doctors have been great in helping us get through.”

Allan is a Red Seal diesel engine mechanic who owns a business, Almac Truck Repair Inc.

The couple has no life insurance, so their family and friends held a fundraising event to help cover the costs of Allan’s treatment and other expenses.

“Allan was in treatment and couldn’t attend the event, but we couldn’t be more thankful for the tremendous kind and generous help,” said his wife.

Challenges in their relationship, according to Sandra, are “just a glitch” that cannot surpass the good.

“I have learned over the years that things can go wrong very quickly and drastically,” she said. “But I have a great deal of faith. I have faith in people, doctors, family, friends and, most importantly, God.”

The year 2021 was tough for them, but 2022 can’t compare.

Sandra says her “healthy and strong” brother-in-law, Bucko Stephen Macdonald, died suddenly at age 51.

“Bucko was going to repair his truck’s windshield at Good Guys Auto Glass in Charlottetown,” she recounted. “After the repairs, he came to collect his keys and pay in the reception room. But his hand limply dropped to his side. So, he asked if the staff could quickly get him to a quiet place in the parking lot because he didn’t want anyone to see.”

Bucko went to the hospital by ambulance with strokelike symptoms. But his condition was critical. He was airlifted to Halifax hospital on June 25.

On June 28, Sandra got a call saying he had died from a stroke and further tests showed he also had COVID19.

Then, two weeks later, her father, Norbert Vernon Trainor — a hardworking farmer all his life — went to the Souris hospital.

“I travelled back and forth to Souris to visit dad when I could and I always dressed from head to toe in protective clothing to protect Allan,” Sandra said.

Her father had been in the hospital since the beginning of June. Then, on July 18, with Sandra by his side, at age 86, Trainor died from COVID-19 complications.

“So, when you ask what brings people together and keeps them married all these years, I believe it’s because we have hope, faith and respect for each other in our marriage,” Sandra said. “I worship the ground Allan walks on. He is a strong man, physically and mentally.

“Allan is the most hardworking, courageous, and wonderful man. He is so tall, and he has the brightest blue eyes and dashing smile. He is still as handsome as the day I met him.”

Ultimately, it is not about how long you stay together but how two people stay in love, reflected Sandra.

“I summarize my relationship with Allan in two words: ‘yes, dear,’” she said “So, for example, ‘Do you want to go out?’ ‘Yes, dear.’ Or I will ask, ‘Do I look wonderful?’ And Allan will respond, ‘Yes, dear, you do.’ Or I will ask, ‘Do you love me?’ And, without a breath, he will declare, ‘Yes, dear.’”

The couple began their relationship working at The Bill Lynch Show, the largest carnival in Canada during the 1940s.