Start challenging your assumptions

I watched someone turn invisible recently. I had heard about it, but until now, had not seen it happen.

I watched as a senior and her younger companion were engaging in a transaction. The younger person was there as a helper, carrying the impedimenta we acquire as we get older. Despite her best efforts to redirect the conversation to the senior, the one initiating the exchange, the helper was the one the staff person spoke with.

The senior was invisible. Maybe the staff person thought it was easier to deal with the younger person rather than take time to explain things clearly. Maybe the staff person thought the younger person was the one really running things.

I always appreciate when people focus on the person at the centre of the discussion. When my child was small, it made a difference when the nurse, the teacher, the childcare provider spoke to them about their issue. They knew full well I was there to take note of what was needed, but they made sure to focus on the person at the centre.

Why don’t we do that with seniors? Yes, some seniors need help. Maybe they need more time, maybe they need a better, simpler explanation, maybe they are hard of hearing and they need things to be repeated.

A friend remarked not long ago that she liked the idea of invisibility as she got older. She could fly under the radar, escape notice, and then bam! — get what she needed and disappear again.

Perhaps being underestimated has its advantages, but being dismissed as someone with agency does not.

Ten years ago, I was trying to change a flight for my mother, and in making a case for the fee to be waived due to a mix up in flight bookings, I mentioned my mother was a senior and that I was worried about her spending a lengthy layover on her own in a large, busy airport before the rest of her family joined her.

At one point in the exchange, my mother, who was next to me the whole time I was pleading the case, leaned in and said, “Martha, I may be old, but I am not decrepit.”

I’m pretty sure I blushed redder than a poppy, but she was right. Too often, we equate getting old with being unable to do anything, and our assistance sometimes can make things worse, not better.

I appreciate these lessons because it gives me the opportunity to do things differently — and better — the next time around. It also means I notice more. I wish that we could apply that strategy to public policy.

Because it isn’t just seniors who are rendered invisible when it comes to planning, design, policy-making and program development. It’s people with disabilities, parents with small children, women, people who have been marginalized, to name a few.

Two weeks ago, there was a terrible accident downtown. Luckily no one was killed, but almost immediately, I saw comments suggesting this is why the pedestrian mall should be permanent.

No doubt there would be fewer accidents because of the reduced number of vehicles. But the absence of cars does not automatically mean increased safety, accessibility and health, especially if you do not prioritize the things which make things safe and accessible — like curb cuts, better lighting, and more options for transport — and if you do not challenge assumptions founded on everyone walking, riding a bike, or using a bus.

Assumptions keep us from seeing different points of view; they render invisible people whose lived experiences are different from ours.

Maybe we need to check our biases as often as we floss our teeth. That is to say, every day.

Martha Muzychka is a writer and consultant living in St. John’s.