SaltWire E-Edition

From cocaine and pain pills to the path to sobriety

Getting there isn’t easy, but rehab helped me confront the trauma behind my addiction

KEITH FITZPATRICK telegram@thetelegram.com @Keithfitz81 Keith Fitzpatrick lives in Labrador City.

If you had told me a year ago that I’d be writing this piece for the public to read, I’d be asking you what you were on and if you could share it.

You see, a year ago I was completely lost in addiction.

I was a full-fledged drug addict abusing my prescription pain meds and tossing cocaine into the mix in order to “survive” my life. I’d had a lot of trauma happen over the previous two decades and I was dealing with it by blocking out feelings with drugs.

I thought I was hiding it well, but I wasn’t. My oldest son, a teenager, had found out. My journey towards recovery started when I read messages he wrote on Facebook to his friends, calling me a cokehead, pill-popper, and much worse. But that still wasn’t enough. After all, the addict part of me had been in control of my life for 20 years and I thought I was OK. I had worked multiple jobs while high, helped raise two boys. I thought I was handling it.

DAY OF RECKONING

Then, Aug. 28, 2020 happened. The new school year was approaching, and I had nothing for the kids. I had blown my money on cocaine so I could be high for a few days. I finally broke down and called my father and asked to go to the hospital. Then I told him why.

That was my first time admitting to someone that I was an addict. Then, in hospital, I had to admit it a lot more. I spent almost a month admitted, working with mental health professionals and my doctor to try to get me on a better path.

In November I went to rehab. I was just over two months’ clean, but I knew I needed the help rehab would give me. Boy, was I right. With the help of the staff, we barrelled down through my life, and the events in my life, to learn I was ignoring all the trauma I had gone through, from losing my mom in 2001, to my health issues, to almost dying in my own bed from heart failure. I had taken those traumas and shoved them into the back of my mind and self-medicated by abusing my prescribed pain meds and supplementing them with black market pills and cocaine. Rehab gave me better coping skills and the insight I needed to change.

Fast forward to now. I am over nine months’ sober. I haven’t taken a painkiller, a sleeping pill, an anxiety drug or done any illegal drugs.

But I didn’t do it alone. I go to group meetings three or four times a week, attend an online addictions support meeting weekly with Labrador-grenfell Health, and I hold myself accountable to family and friends by publicly posting about my time in sobriety. All these things help keep me sober. Keep me sane. I’ve gone back to exercising and trying to get myself in shape, and I talk to friends I had ignored for years because I would rather be alone getting high.

A DAILY CHALLENGE

But I’m still an addict. Addicts never recover. We are in recovery and it’s a daily thing. I wake up sober, and if I go to bed sober then it’s been a good day. Some days are harder than others and it’s an hourly thing.

Has everything been good?

No. My oldest son and I are estranged and he’s living elsewhere. I did a lot of damage to our relationship while I was in active addiction. I hope it’s damage that can be repaired over time. But it takes time. After all, if it was easy, everyone would get sober.

My youngest son, who’s a teenager, is a huge supporter of mine and asks every day if there’s a meeting and how it went.

I hope my story helps someone. If you have a problem, you probably know it yourself but are too afraid to say it. I know that fear. I lived it for years.

But it does get better if you’re willing to work for it. There are people out there who can help. You are not alone.

My name is Keith and I’m an addict. And I’m in recovery.

OPINION

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2021-06-12T07:00:00.0000000Z

2021-06-12T07:00:00.0000000Z

https://saltwire.pressreader.com/article/281887301251781

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