SaltWire E-Edition

A public relations dream come true

BOB WAKEHAM bwakeham@nl.rogers.com @Stjohnstelegram Bob Wakeham has spent more than 40 years as a journalist in Newfoundland and Labrador.

Fantasy worlds abound for all mortal souls, at least those willing to admit to such delightful implausibilities: playing in the NHL with Connor Mcdavid, discovering a heavenly fishing hole where three mud trout leap for your fly on every cast, being isolated in space with Sigourney Weaver (the character Ripley in “Alien,” for you non-movie fans), having the sun splitting the rocks for three months in Newfoundland, and so on and so forth.

But it was a fantasy of a different sort for public relations employees in the premier’s office in recent days, a fantasy that became a reality, blessed, as they were, with a promotional gem, the ultimate photo-op.

My imagination has conjured up the following conversation:

LOUISE LACKEY: You’re not gonna believe our luck, fellow flacks, but we’re about to get the kind of publicity for our boy Andy that politicians can only dream of.

SAM STOOGE: Don’t tell me, let me guess: Has Dr. Furey discovered a COVID vaccine that works exclusively for Newfoundlanders: gravy from leftover flippers?

LOUISE: Oh, don’t be so foolish, Sam. Attaching fake halos to those FUREY FOREVER posters has obviously gone right to your head.

FRED FLUNKY: Oh, wow, I feel my P.R. goose bumps a’tingling, Louise. Does this have something to do with those medical people volunteering to help out in hospitals in Doug Ford country?

LOUISE: Right on, Fred. But we’ve got to handle this carefully. Those people will be universally and justifiably praised, so we have to walk a fine line here.

FRED: I hear ya. Give those doctors and nurses their time in the spotlight, but make sure our main man doesn’t appear to be stealing their thunder; at the same time, we have to guarantee he gets his mug on television as often as we can, that he’s equipped with endless motherhood quotes, that we take advantage of this opportunity to sell him as the best thing to hit Newfoundland since warm homemade bread, smothered in butter.

LOUISE: You got it, Fred. Now the plan is to have this group of volunteers congregate at a hangar at the airport where they’ll do the press thing before boarding a monstrous military aircraft. God, the optics will be wonderful, like they’re heading into battle.

And their leader, their general, the premier, will be there to see them off and, of course, will be expected to say a few words.

FRED: But you know damn well that if the premier shows up, there will be cynics who’ll accuse him of exploiting the scene for his own political advantage. They’ll ask why the government couldn’t have just issued a classy press release, and made a couple of the volunteers available for interviews. They might even make odious comparisons to Oprah, how she could never do a good deed without her cameras in place, that she had to show off to the world just how magnanimous a soul she was.

LOUISE: Ah-ha, Fred. But we have a magical nugget here. The premier’s wife, Allison Furey, is an emergency room doctor and a member of the group. I mean to say he has to be there to see her off, after all.

FRED: Yeah, and we can add the human touch. Get him to talk about how he helped pack her bags the night before, and how much he wished he was going, too.

LOUISE: Damn, that’s good, Fred.

Now, I should mention that a second group of volunteers will be heading off a couple of days later, and we can’t use the premier’s wife as an excuse for him to be there, to be available, as it were, when the cameras start to roll.

FRED: Ah, by that time, the whole province will be so caught up with this bit of Newfoundland generosity that even those shuffling their feet when they spot the premier will be reluctant to rain on the parade.

Fact is, I hear the CBC is going to cover the send-off live, across the country. You can’t buy this stuff.

LOUISE: Great, and listen, when the local NTV reporter, Kelly-anne Roberts, is doing her live hit near the military plane, make sure Furey is seen in the background. And if he happens to walk out of frame, as the directors say, then ease him back, with the excuse that he’s posing for a couple of last second snapshots.

FRED: Wow! Two photo ops for the price of one!

LOUISE: And another advantage we have is that everybody is going to get so caught up in this sugary event, no one — and I mean no one — is going to wonder aloud whether this was a P.R. buffet the premier gorged on.

FRED: And nobody will be bold enough, as well, to ruin the party and ask whether jam-packed emergency rooms in St. John’s hospitals can afford to let crucial workers head off to the mainland, or whether it’s appropriate to do so given the deficiencies in the province’s health system.

LOUISE: And if a saucy reporter dares to ruin the scene with such a question, we’ll have the premier describe the suggestion as a “false equivalence.”

SAM: That sounds like gobbledygook.

LOUISE: Shut up, Sam. Who asked you? Go back to your posters.

FRED: How about this metaphor for the premier, Louise? “Ontario has a forest fire and we’re sending firefighters.”

LOUISE: Awesome, Fred. This is just a public relations dream. A fantasy come true.

OPINION

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2021-05-08T07:00:00.0000000Z

2021-05-08T07:00:00.0000000Z

https://saltwire.pressreader.com/article/281968905560971

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