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Couple’s divorce unexpected

ELLIE & LISI TESHER newsroom @theguardian.pe.ca @Peiguardian

Q -I’ve been close with my cousin since we were children and through our teenage years. Later, when both mid-20s, I got married and she hadn’t yet met anyone she found special.

I suddenly thought of my husband’s work colleague, who headed their business in another city.

My husband thought it an inspired match – both are attractive, accomplished, athletic and smart. Not long before the next meeting to be held here, my husband mentioned my cousin to his colleague. Whatever he said, it worked.

They met, married, moved together to his new position in the U.S., had a daughter and a son and seemed very happy together.

Now, eight years later, he’s with someone else and we don’t know what to make of this.

We understand that nobody ever knows what’s really going on in others’ marriages, but my cousin’s also at a loss about what caused her nowex to feel their marriage was no longer great.

My husband met the new wife at a business dinner when I was visiting my parents in another city. He said there was nothing remarkable about her, except what we’d expect – younger and doting.

My cousin has also moved on as far as accepting reality.

She’s only sorry that divorce causes upheaval and everyone suffers in some way ... until they land on their feet again.

But I’m still wondering, what makes people in a seemingly great relationship, change everything?

When Great isn’t Good Enough

A- Some people crave change. It’s a new car, though the old one is doing fine. It’s a move to the country for nature, though the kids loved their city-based school and close friends. Or it’s the other possibility that shines brighter – a better job that interferes greatly with family life, etc.

And so it is with the newer companion – more devoted (especially in the early stages), sexier (before raising babies) and more exciting (until it becomes routine).

Don’t try to make perfect sense of other people’s surprising choices. Just try to be comfortable and happy with your own.

Q- I'm a woman, 43, separated from my husband, although we still share a home. He doesn't work and we have children so I couldn't just kick him out. This arrangement has worked for us because I travel a lot for work and he’s able to be there with the kids.

However, I’ve recently managed to snag a 28-yearold boyfriend. Initially, I thought it’d be a short-term fling because of the age difference, but it’s working out.

We have logistical problems for getting together privately because he has roommates and my husband lives at my home. Still, I'm really happy with this guy but unsure if a 15-year age gap can ever work out?

Which One’s the Wrong Age?

A- Neither age is wrong because what matters is the quality of the relationship.

Many couples have worked out successful unions precisely because the age difference satisfies them both. Looked at romantically, if you, the presumably more mature person, don’t overreact to setbacks, you’re potentially a steadying influence on a younger partner.

Conversely, he, youthful and possibly more sexually vigorous than an older man, could provide an exciting new level of passion to the relationship.

But be aware of a potential snag regarding your children’s attitude to the younger boyfriend. He could be a friend to the kids or they could rally against him, protecting their father’s place in their lives.

LIFE

en-ca

2022-07-05T07:00:00.0000000Z

2022-07-05T07:00:00.0000000Z

https://saltwire.pressreader.com/article/281814287564993

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