A memory honoured

Elmsdale woman finds comfort after loss of grandson

ELMSDALE — Ten years after Kylar Williams’ death, his grandmother Nancy Williams is finding peace through giving.

Even so, she still chokes up when talking about him.

“You’re in a fog from day-today,” she said. “You don’t know what day it is, sometimes.”

Kylar was 15 when he was killed in a highway accident on March 21, 2011. Before then, he lived with his grandparents — Williams and her late husband Russell.

“He wasn’t perfect,” said Williams, “but he had such a genuine heart.”

Kylar was a die-hard fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs. He was loved by everyone he met and especially enjoyed spending time with the elderly. If any of his classmates didn’t have something to eat at lunch, he’d help out however he could.

He was funny, said Williams, and frequently had her and his maternal grandmother “in stitches.”

Every morning, right before he got on the school bus, he’d turn around to say “bye” to Williams. Everything they did, they did together.

“Over the years, he and I formed a bond,” said Williams. “It was a bond that not even death could separate, it was so strong.”

Her final memory of Kylar is of him waving at her from his dirt bike as he and his brother drove off. Shortly after, he collided with a car that was turning into a driveway. He was pronounced dead at the scene.

There are a lot of “what ifs” from that day, but Williams has “nothing but love” for the woman who hit him.

“My heart still aches for her.”

Williams doesn’t remember much from the first two years after Kylar’s death. She took it hard, and her husband’s death less than a year after Kylar’s only “worsened her grief

When worsened (Russell) her grief. found out he had cancer,” said Williams, “all he kept saying was, ‘I’m going to be the first one to see Kylar in heaven.’”

HEALING

Although both deaths shattered William’s world, she had family and friends around to support her. Shortly after her husband passed, she started seeing a counsellor, as well.

“One morning, I woke up, and I decided ... I can’t continue to live like this. Either I’m going to die, or I’m going to live.”

Although counselling helped, Williams still has tough days.

“It’s the worst thing in your life to lose your grandchild. When you get married, you expect someday you’re going to maybe lose your spouse, but you’re never prepared to lose your grandchild,” she said. “For me, it was devastation.”

For six years, Williams wasn’t sure she could ever love somebody again. Meeting widower Bob Terweeme five years ago, though, helped her through her grieving process; he supported her, and she supported him.

Although Terweeme never knew Kylar, Williams said he’s been helping her take care of the grave.

“And that has helped me so much because before that, I was alone. Nobody helped me with the grave or anything,” said Williams. “That is very important to me, looking after his grave, because I feel like it’s the last thing I can do for him.”

After years of living in grief, her brain fog began to clear this past year.

Instead of focusing on her sadness, Williams decided to do something in Kylar’s memory — something to take her mind off the heartache. Something she knew would have made Kylar smile.

That something, Williams decided, was donating to the homeless.

“I’d get into bed and I’d say, ‘Oh, I’m so thankful I’ve got a warm bed, I’ve got a roof over my head, I’ve got food to eat,’” she said. “And I kept thinking there was a calling, that there are so many people that don’t have this.”

She reached out to Bob Lockhart, temporary minister of Gordon Memorial United Church in Alberton, who was happy to mention the donation campaign in the church bulletin.

“I think that was a beautiful way of honouring his memory,” said Lockhart, who conducted Kylar’s funeral back in 2011.

“He was a boy that wanted to try to bring joy to others, so she wanted to find ways of continuing to help.”

When she initially asked Lockhart, Williams hadn’t been sure how members of the church would feel about her request.

“In the back of my mind,

I’m thinking people will think I’m crazy,” she said. “It’s been 10 years since Kylar died, what will the response be?”

Instead, Williams was met with plenty of support and had donations to take home every Sunday, like soup, socks, mittens and toiletries. “It was just heartwarming.” In total, Williams ended up with four boxes of donated goods to give to the Bedford MacDonald Emergency Homeless Shelter in Charlottetown, as well as someone she knew in Alberton.

“It makes me smile because I’m thinking (Kylar) would be smiling up in heaven,” said Williams. “It would make him so happy to know that I would be able to do something like that.”

When Williams initially conceived the idea to donate in her grandson’s memory, she wasn’t sure she’d have the strength to go through with it. Now she’s found that strength, and she’s glad for it.

“It just made me want to strive and do as much as I could possibly do,” she said. “It gave me an all-over sense of peace.”