‘Fostering is a privilege’

Celebrating moms who open their homes and hearts to children in need

Achild doesn't have to be yours biologically to love and care for him or her. Stephanie Lowe knows that first-hand — she's been a mother to 29 children over the past 11 years.

The Mount Moriah, N.L. woman and her husband, Rob Lowe, have two adult children, Chelsea and Ryan, and two grandchildren, Sam and Andrew. They also have two younger boys — Jamie is seven; his brother Kaiden is eight. Their younger children, who they adopted, came to them as infants through the foster care program.

“(Jamie and Kaiden) think adoption and fostering is normal. We still send pictures to birth families. We have no issues with having birth families involved,” Stephanie Lowe said via email.

The other children Lowe has mothered over the years have been children she's welcomed into her heart and home through the foster care program.

Lowe became interested in the foster care program after a family member began fostering.

“They were planning to move to Ontario … I contacted CSSD (Children, Seniors and Social Development) to inquire about the possibility of me and my husband caring for the infant they had. And that's exactly what happened,” Lowe said.

Lowe never knows how long a child will stay with her family — the goal of fostering is to reunite children with their biological parents. However long the child is in the foster home, she stresses the importance of the foster family's relationship with the child's biological family.

She's never met a parent who didn't love their child or want their child to return home, she said.

But every parent needs help at times.

“You want the parents to succeed. And to see a parent do what's required of them to have their child return home is heartwarming," she said.

"Whether that's rehab, counselling, parenting courses … By the time a child is getting ready to move home, you are the one who's telling the parents ‘You are doing great, you can do this, you are a strong person.'”

Fostering is all about teamwork, Lowe said.

“We invite the children's parents into our family … we often have parents in our home for a visit with their child … and we include them in birthday party celebrations. We have even had parents at our house for Christmas.”

Seventeen of the 29 children the Lowes have fostered came to them as infants. They have cared for children with numerous special needs, infants born addicted to drugs, children exposed to physical violence.

Children with learning difficulties,

autism, fetal alcohol spectrum disorder and dyspraxia have also found a safe and comforting environment with the Lowes.

The key to helping these children is education and learning to depend on service providers for help, she said during a phone interview.

IT TAKES A VILLAGE

Lowe is a peer mentor to new foster families as well as a Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education facilitator. PRIDE is an educational program for foster families. She is also chair of the Corner Brook/ Bay of Islands local foster families association.

While fostering is challenging, Lowe said, the joys that come with it bring many rewards.

“I love seeing the changes in the families of the children and the children themselves," she said. "You meet parents on one of the worst days of their life. Someone has decided to remove their child and place them in another home. But, slowly, the families open up to you. And you become their biggest supporters.”

Seeing children thrive with the right supports is also rewarding, she said.

“Children can often come to you very withdrawn, developmentally behind … But to see the changes when the team comes together to help the child is amazing. They amaze me all the time.”

It takes a village, however. A strong support system is essential to the foster care program to help the children: development psychologists, psychiatrists, occupational therapists, physical therapists, child management specialist, behaviour management specialist, speech therapists, public health, doctors, complex needs team from the Janeway, applied behavioural analysis therapy.

Social workers are also crucial support to foster families, she said.

“Diane (Molloy) and Lori (Petersen) are phenomenal,” Lowe said of N.L. Foster Families Association executive director and social worker.

As the association's executive director, Molloy said there are no words to adequately express appreciation to those who open their hearts and homes to children in care and their families.

“Foster families are the foundation of the foster care program and understand that ‘it takes a village to raise a child,' which is why they step up to help,” she said.

Foster families are committed to nurturing children, helping families and building stronger communities, she said.

“They love and care for children knowing that they will have to say goodbye, but they do it because they know they are making a difference for each child and family,” Molloy added.

DIFFICULT YEAR

Gary Landry, executive director of the Federation of Foster Families of Nova Scotia, said this past year has been exceptionally difficult for foster parents.

“The ongoing support from the Department of Community Services during the past year has not gone unnoticed and has certainly been appreciated by the foster care community,” he said when contacted via email.

Foster parents are the backbone of the child welfare system, Landry said, helping to improve the lives of so many children and youth.

Knowing the story was to celebrate foster mothers as Mother's Day approaches, Landry took the opportunity to wish foster mother's a “restful, peaceful and fun Mother's Day.”

Mary Noye, president of the board of directors of the P.E.I. Federation of Foster Families, says this Sunday on Mother's Day a number of foster moms on P.E.I. will receive a card or a text, sometimes flowers, from a child that they are not related to.

Rather, that child is someone the foster mom has helped make a difference in their life.

Her organization is always looking for foster parents for all age groups — from babies to teenagers — for short and longer-term placements.

“Sometimes families need a little help to get through a rough spot and it is our privilege to give support to them,” Noye said via email.

Back in Newfoundland, Lowe summed up well her feelings on being a foster mom.

“Fostering is a privilege … to watch families come back together … Not everybody gets to do it,” she said.